Ichiro...I mean, Suzuki

Ichiro Suzuki was diagnosed today with an ulcer and fatigue.  I hope the Seattle girls softball team can overcome this.  More on that soon.  What is the deal with MLB allowing Suzuki to have his first name, "ICHIRO", on the back of his jersey?  I don't see the Athletics catcher, Kurt Suzuki have "KURT" on the back of his.  I've had issues with this for years.  I can't believe baseball allows this crap.  He's not Cher.  He's no Madonna.  At first, I thought perhaps it was a Japanese culture thing with the names.  But, I hear Hideki Matsui referred to as Matsui all the time, and Daisuke Matsuzaka has even been referred to by his last name.  Hideki Nomo was called Nomo all the time- again, last name.  Why not refer So Taguchi as just "So"?  I can hear it now during the telecast - "So steps up to the plate."  "So who is batting?"  "Yeah, So..."  "I just want to know who's batting!"  

Arod didn't have "AROD" on the back of his Texas uniform.  Pudge Rodriquez didn't have "PUDGE" on there either, yet these players are well known by their catchy nicknames.  How about Pedro in his hey day?  There was no question who one was referring to when they mentioned his first name only.

To compound matters on this Suzuki fella, my friend, Craig, called me the other day to tell me he bought his son baseball cards.  Everyone of the cards had the players first and last name, except for one - yep, that fella named Suzuki from Seattle.  First name only.  First names should be reserved only for rock stars and the Brazilian soccer team.  

As for Suzuki, the ballplayer, and I'm talking about the one from Seattle, I just can't respect a man who bats like he's leading off for the girls softball team.  I swear I've seen this guy take 3 steps out of the box while he's swinging.  Swing the bat like a man!  Please, it's embarrassing.  It must be a Japanese thing, because I've seen Matsui and Fukudome (a.k.a. FU dummy) bailout all the time in the box like gutless pukes.   

I've read Suzuki, and I'm still referring to the Seattle guy, has this weird fetish for singles and won't hit for extra base hits, although you hear he hits home runs in batting practice all the time.  One of the strangest stats I've ever seen was the season he set the hits record for 262 hits (of which 225 of those hits were singles), he only scored 101 runs.  He had 49 walks that year, too, putting him on base over 300 times!  Now, maybe, that's the sign of a team that can't drive in runs, but for a guy who's speed has been highly touted, he only stole 36 bases that year.  Which brings up another Suzuki rumor - he won't steal bases unless he thinks he has an absolute chance at being safe.  His selfish play allegedly led to the downfall and dismissal of Mike Hargrove as manager in 2007.  And now this past offseason, there were rumors how bad the locker room was with this guy.  Not to mention, he's a sneaky bastard who speaks the English language well, but pretends not to speak it.  Hey Suzuki, how about we pay that $19 million per year American dollars in yen?  I'm sure you'd quickly speak the English language then.     

My own personal favorite Suzuki moment came while I lived in Seattle and went to a Boston - Seattle game. Hideki Nomo was pitching for Boston when the scoreboard put up the note that Suzuki's first home run in Japan came against Nomo.  My man Nomo promptly hit Suzuki square in the back, where he lied writhing in pain for 5 minutes.  I can't ever recall Jason Giambi, Paul O'Neill, Arod or even Chuck Knoblauch embarrassing themselves the way Suzuki did that day.  Please, just jog down to first base, without rubbing the spot, like a man, the way baseball is supposed to be played.  

To quote Yankee fans, when the Yanks were eliminating the fraudulent 116 win Seattle team in the 2001 American League Championship Series - "Sayonara", Ichiro, uh, er, Suzuki.